When Will Adoption Ever Be Portrayed in a Positive Light?

A fellow adoptive mom that I am friends with on FB linked this on her FB page.  I am raving mad!  I'm a little annoyed that time after time, the media keeps bringing these stories to the forefront.  It gives adoption naysayers fuel to say adoption is a bad idea.  Why doesn't the media do story after story of positive adoption situations?  Because it doesn't draw viewers in and nobody cares about those of us who have had happy endings to our adoption journeys.

I think what I'm most ticked off about is some of the comments I read posted by others on this news story.  Let me share some of them.

"This is a wonderful story. Now this child can grow up with his real family and real father. He is a lucky little guy. Now he will be with who he truly belongs with. I was apalled to read the adopters comment of, "once he was born I new he was mine". That baby wasn't hers. How absurd. And the adopter father coming out and saying that the real father should have decided he wanted his son before he was born. Where do some of these adopters get off thinking that people have to decide if they want there children before they are born? This isn't there place. Do they think they have rights to children that aren't even born? They are not in charge of other peoples families. So happy that these judges are finally get it. Real family is always the best. Every human being deserves this."

This one above made me the angriest.  He truly belongs with a guy who has a history of violence and has been arrested for possession of drug paraphernalia.  So much better than parents who according to the law in order to adopt had to go through a criminal background check in both the state of Indiana and in the state of Ohio as well as an FBI background check.  How do I know this, I had to do it on more than one occasion in multiple states including - Maryland, California, Texas, Oklahoma, Arkansas and Georgia.  Every state requires it in order to adopt.  Sure, "real" family is always the best.  Who cares if they're violent, abusive, do/sell drugs, steal, etc. So mad I could scream!

"Wow. So the family knew the biological father wanted the baby 17 days after birth and then refused to give him his child all of this time? This is so terrible for the child, but it looks like it was caused by the family attempting to adopt. I can't believe they said the problem was that the biological father filed before they did. The child was rightfully his - not just a prize up for grabs for the first people to file legal papers. The real problem is that they've been keeping someone else's child all this time against their wishes."

"To anyone who feels that Grayson shouldn't be returned to his biological father is crazy. For one there's nothing that states he left a pregnant woman on the side of the road (lookingout) and the story states that he was arrested not convicted. and SO WHAT IF HE WAS, does that mean that he shouldn't raise his son? We don't know the whole story. Why did the mother chose to give Grayson up in the first place? When the father came forward after 17 days the Vaughns should have done the right thing. The only thing to do was to give Grayson back to his father. I pray for the Vaughn family that they will find a way to come to terms with what has happened. However if they wouldn't dragged this out for three years they could probably have anotheer child by now. This was an awful thing to have happened, but think about what Grayson father was feeling."

I am so sick of the misinformation on adoption.  In one of the comments someone actually said this boy was SOLD to the adoptive family!!  I get annoyed that people think we buy our children.  Not annoyed, angry.  Furious.  If they only knew what all that money is really used for.  We don't pay for our children.  We pay for all the paperwork to get done correctly and LEGALLY!

I'm sick of all those people out there that don't think my kids are my real kids because I didn't give birth to them.  Biology is the least of what makes me a parent.   I'm leaving it at that because I'm not in the mood to go off on a tangent about "real" parents.  I've met my fair share of "real" parents that are not deserving of the kids they gave birth to.

In the case of this poor little boy, the state of Ohio and his biological dad failed him.  The state of Ohio failed because if he (birth father) filed a petition of paternity why did it take the state so long to reunite them?  Seems to me, once paternity was established they should've started the process of making sure the biological father could truly care for this child and require contact until placement.  Instead the boy is now 3 years old and without any sort of transition is being taken away from the only family he's ever known and placed with a stranger.  If the biological father was so gung-ho on getting him back why didn't he attempt any communication with him?  If anything the biological father is treating this boy like property and staking his claim.  How tragic for this boy who was loved by a wonderful family and is being forced into the arms of a stranger staking his claim all in the name of biology. 

I'm stepping off my soapbox now. 

Complete Chaos

That's my excuse for not blogging and I'm sticking to it.  Eriks started school almost a month ago and my to - do list is getting longer and longer and no end in sight.  So here's what you've missed.

• Eriks is doing awesome in the 1st grade.  He really loves it and his reading is getting better.  He did a computerized test recently to see what his reading level is and for a 1st grader he's average.  Doesn't surprise me since we never pushed any summer reading.  I kind of regret it.  But he's getting better and better every day since his homework requires him to read 20 minutes a day and we're sticking to it.  We're also getting closer to a diagnosis for Eriks and his issues.  We've got it about 90% nailed down but there is yet some further testing the psychologist wants to do.  We're doing gymnastics again once a week and Eriks is really kicking butt in it.  His natural talent and ability to throw himself into multiple cartwheels, round offs, handstands continues to amaze me every day.  His movement is so beautiful and precise.  Like he was born for this sport.  Friday night and Saturdays are taken up with soccer.  Another sport he really enjoys and he always wants to be in the game.  He doesn't want to take a break for anything.  His athletic ability period makes me envious.  Eriks was under the weather for 4 days and thus instead of having a long Labor Day weekend had a Labor Day week and was home for 6 days!  His private school had an in-service day on Tuesday and he just went back yesterday. 

• Emi is definitely a 2 yr old.  She's into everything and is definitely testing the boundaries.  We do the 3 strikes and you're out with Emi as we did with Eriks at this age.  We ask you the 1st time to stop doing it, the 2nd time we tell you to stop and if we have to say it a 3rd time it's punishment.  Emi's learned the game so well that when we get to the 3rd time, she giggles and runs away as you go to get her for timeout.  So frustrating and funny at the same time.  Emi is still doing speech therapy once a week and is becoming less and less of a compliant student.  She wants to do it all on her time and has started pouting when she doesn't want to do therapy.  Talk about frustration!  She just doesn't understand the benefit this has for her.  Our signing is moving rapidly.  I learn a new word and she picks it up quickly.  I'm afraid that soon I'm going to have a hard time keeping up with her.  Her spoken speech is also coming along but slowly.  We're guessing she has the vocabulary skills of a 10-12 month old.  There are only a few words she says but she is progressing and that's the direction we want to move in.  The words that she can say with us understanding her are "dog, no, up, more, Eriks, mama, cow, moo, amen, hi".  That's all I can think of right now.  She can sign way more than she can verbally say.  She got used to having her throat open to her nasal passages and thus isn't closing off the back of her throat when she talks.  We're going to see the Speech Pathologist next month to figure out how to get her to do what she needs to be doing.  At times it is frustrating for her to not be able to say what she wants and it's frustrating for us to not understand her.  Emi was recently featured in our adoption agencies newsletter.  You can go here to see her photo.  She's in the Fall 2010 newsletter.  We were honored to be asked to have her photo featured.  The only bummer is that I wish the would've used a more recent photo.  The one in the newsletter is about a year old and was taken a few weeks after she came home.

• I'm hanging in there.  The kids are keeping me super busy because Lane is working a lot.  I'm definitely hoping for a bit of time away soon to unwind.  Hoping for a weekend getaway soon by myself.  I'm looking forward to just getting a pedicure right now.  I also turned my hobby into a part-time job.  I became a demonstrator for a company called Stampin' Up! whom I adore.  I've been a user of their products for 12 yrs now.  My motivations were to get some time away from the house.  Lane gets 8-14 hours a day away because of his job so why can't I get 2-3 hours away for something I love?  The other motivation is the extra money.  Lane will be starting Law School next Fall (God willing) and to have a little bit of extra income besides what we'll get from retirement and living expenses from the GI Bill would be a nice bonus.  I have a website set up at Stampin' Up! where you can shop with me.  Here's the link if you're interested in taking a look at what the company has to offer. 

• Lane is crazy busy with work.  He's getting to the point where work is a huge PITA.  Lane doesn't like waiting around for things to get done and unfortunately, this goes on a lot at work for him.  Production has been ramped up this Fall and there's a lot coming off the line so he is going to be super busy.  I think it was a blessing in disguise that he turned down starting Law School at Georgia State this Fall.  He has a new boss and I don't think Lane would've liked saying, "I have to be done by 4 so I can leave by 5 to be in class 3 days a week."  That so would've not floated.   Lane's working on his application for Indiana University School of Law in Indianapolis.  He's doing the early application so that if he for some bizarre reason doesn't get in, we can go to plan B.  Whatever that is!  We're hoping to hear by December if he got in or not.  So keep your fingers crossed that it all works out for him.

• Syd our 13 yr old lab isn't doing so hot.  On Tuesday he was diagnosed with Laryngeal Paralysis.  This is the definition of what it is: 
  Laryngeal paralysis is a disorder in which the nerves that control the muscles and cartilage that open and close the larynx (voicebox) do not function properly, causing voice changes and difficulty with eating or breathing. The larynx is located in the back of the throat. Air moves from the mouth or nose through the larynx, and into the trachea (windpipe). Normally, the laryngeal cartilages (also known as the arytenoid cartilages) are pulled open during breathing. In laryngeal paralysis, these cartilages do not open and close properly, making it difficult for the animal to take in air normally.
  He's had what we call breathing episodes for months now.  Unfortunately, they've gotten worse.  He's had more than 1/2 a dozen in just the past few weeks alone and 2 on Tuesday.  It seems like he's having an asthma attack because he's wheezing and just can't get air into his lungs.  The problem is those flaps are not opening to allow the air into his lungs.  It is so painful to watch him have an episode.  Surgery isn't an option at his age because there could be complications.  The biggest one being if they tie back the flap(s) then he has the possibility of getting serious pneumonia and dying.  So we're in the process of getting him on steroids to help.  The problem with the steroids is that he has to be taken off of the arthritis medicine because it doesn't mix well with the steroids and can cause deadly stomach ulcers.  So instead of the arthritis meds he's on pain meds which pretty much knock him out most of the day.  The goal right now is making Syd as comfortable as possible for however long he has left.  As of right now, our plans to travel over the holidays are non-existent.  With these issues, it's just not safe to kennel him anymore because the paralysis could cause asphyxiation.  I know someone out there is going to think I'm selfish for putting my dog ahead of visiting our families for the holidays but it is what it is.  If I kenneled Syd just so I could go visit my family and he died, I'd never forgive myself.  He is a part of my family and I have to take care of him. 
  
  That's it for now.  Sorry I've been MIA for so long.  Hopefully things will settle a little and I can get back to some blogging.
  

Swimming Fun

While away for 2 weeks the kids spent a lot of time in my parents inground pool.  They love, love, love the water.  Eventually when the time is right, we too will own a house with pool so the kids just have to go out the back door to get to the pool.  Both kids are fishes.  After watching Emi this summer I am seriously going to be looking into a toddler swim class so she can learn to swim.  At my parents house she was crawling along the edge.  She also kept stepping off the last stair to touch the bottom.  The problem was the water was over her head if she stepped down.  But did she care?  Noooo!  She thought it was hilarious.  We also had a get-together one day with the kids' cousins and friends.  And about the time we were wrapping everything up, a thunderstorm hit.  It was a great afternoon and I'm looking forward to next summer when I will be home for good spending more time with my family and friends.

My mom swimming with the kids.

My cousin Rob's kids S & E.  They are really cute kids.  S looks like his Grandfather (Rob's dad) and E is the spitting image of her father.  I always tell Rob that E is him in a dress!

Laila's 1st Birthday

While up in Indiana the kids and I were able to celebrate my niece, Laila's 1st birthday with her.  In all honesty it was planned that way.  I wouldn't miss Laila's birthday.  It's hard to believe that a year has flown by.  My parents within 2 weeks or so last year had 2 new grandchildren.  Laila loves cake and couldn't get enough of it.  We loved watching her eat it.

Week in Michigan

With the exception of last summer we have spent at least a week up in Michigan at my parents "summer place" up on Clear Lake.  It's nothing fancy.  Just a permanently parked trailer with a very nice deck in a great setting.  Eriks attends camp for a week at Garezers, the Latvian Camp there.  We love it there and are waiting for our own trailer space to open up so that we don't have to room with my parents anymore.  Cell phones rarely work there and forget about internet.  It's a very peaceful and relaxing place to spend a week unwinding.  Eriks has a great friend also named Eriks that he has gone to camp with 3 out of the past 4 years.  They would've been together again last year if it hadn't been for Lane's adoption trip during camp.  Next year they will be together again and they can't wait.

Eriks has a 1st while we were there.  The Friday afternoon after camp was over, my uncle M who has a boat took Eriks tubing for the first time.  He is hooked.  He loved it and I loved watching him have so much fun.  Unfortunately, the silly mommy forgot her camera and has no photo proof.  I'm still kicking myself.  There's always next summer!

Here are some of the photos from our week in the woods.

Emi found a woly worm and loved it.  She loved having them crawl on her hand and up her arm.

Eriks and the woly worm climbing up his arm.  If you look back at my old blog you can find a similar photo.  It's a tradition we've done every year up there.

Her future's so bright, she's gotta wear my cousin's shades!

Singing at camp with some of the other kids and counselors.

Eriks and his friend Eriks and K.

Being silly with Eriks's sister A who is Emi's new buddy.  A is 4 months younger than Emi and they will be at camp together next summer!

Dancing in the rain.  We actually ended up stripping the kids down to their birthday suits, grabbing the shampoo and soap and giving them a shower!  They loved it!

Pool Play Date

The Thursday before we left for our vacation which was 3 weeks ago we had a pool date with Miss Briana and Lisa.  It was a great day as the sun was shining and the temps were perfect for staying cool in the pool!  Lisa and I bought our girls the same swimsuit without each others knowledge.  When Lisa posted some photos of Briana wearing the suit either on her blog or Face.book did I notice that I had bought Emi the exact same swimsuit.  Guess we both have good taste!  So we both (without discussion) put the girls in the same suit that day.  I'm sure there were some people at the pool that thought that the girls were sisters. 

Emi had a blast.  She loves the pool and it is impossible to keep her out of the water.  Once school starts I'm going to have to look into some sort of Aquatots swim lessons for her in hopes that she might be swimming by herself next summer.  Briana has become a great swimmer!  She's been taking lessons this summer and her teacher is great and it shows. 

Here are the photos from the afternoon.  Enjoy!

Emi has the greatest facial expressions.  You never know what she'll do next with it!

I'll be playing catch up so look for lots of posts over the next few days!

Last Day in NYC

I realized looking back in my blog that I totally forgot about blogging the last day of our trip.  I'm blaming the heat.  It's gone to my head and fried my brain.

So here's a quick summary since we had a very laid back day.  The first thing we did Friday was we went down to the National Archives to find out some of my family history.  I wanted to know exact dates of when my mom and her family came into the US through New York.  I was able to find the ships manifest with the names of my mom's family that came to the US on that ship.  I also got photocopies of the manifest with all the typed up information showing my mom's age, passenger number, ethnicity, date of departure from Bremerhaven (Bremen, Germany) and date of arrival into NYC.  It was super cool.  This was a great addition to the family history my aunt had already gathered.

From there we took the subway to the Upper West Side to buy some H&H bagels to take home.  These are the best bagels in NYC.  They're always hot and fresh.  It was unusual to be handed a bag of fresh, warm bagels.  They're long gone now but they were oh so good.  We wandered around a little bit but knew we had to get back to Times Square.  We decided that we really wanted to see one more Broadway show while we were there.  After the awesomeness of La Cage Aux Folles, I was hungry for more.  Being big fans of Sean Hayes and Kristin Chenoweth and hearing the rave reviews about Promises, Promises, we decided that was how we were going to close out our NYC trip.

After a long afternoon of all of the above, we dragged ourselves back to the hotel for a few hours of R&R before heading to the theater.  The show was really good but La Cage was still way better.  Sorry.  I think that my reasoning for that is that I was laughing though about 90% of La Cage where it was only about 60% laughter through Promises, Promises.  I'm so ready to go back to NYC for another trip just to do more Broadway shows.  So here is the last bit of photos from our trip.

Admitting Life's Imperfections

I try to spend as much time focusing on the positive as I can but it's not always easy.  I think it's easier to try to bury the things in our lives we can't fix than deal with them head on.  This is one of my big personal flaws.  I take on more than I should.  I burden myself with things I cannot control.  I'm pretty sure it's genetic.

Where am I going with this you ask?  The purpose of my blogging when I started it was to talk about the journey of adoption.  International adoption to be specific and the ups and downs of getting to the goal - our daughter.  I knew there were going to be lots of unknowns - birth parents, birthdate (Emi's is a guesstimate), health history, etc.  What I failed to realize is that this isn't just an international adoption issue.  It's an issue even in domestic adoption.  We are finding that out first hand.

Eriks birthdate and birth parents are known.  What gets tricky is medical history.  Even his birth mother doesn't even know her full medical history even after trying to get help from her mother.

This is where the admitting imperfection comes in.  Let me start out by saying this - Eriks is a very bright, articulate, athletic, sensitive, caring and beautiful child.  I love him for him.  When Lane and I adopted him, we had no idea what to expect and we are dealing with that now.  Eriks has always had a tendency to be impulsive - doing things and saying things before thinking them through.  This has gotten him in A LOT of trouble.  But after his teacher at school said something to us a few weeks into the Spring semester, did we consult with our pediatrician who referred us to a behavioral specialist (Dr. L).  This is interesting because he had a great Fall semester without any issues.  We're not sure what changed over Christmas break, but something did.  The pediatrician did not believe he had ADHD based on her observations.  After having Eriks tested, she was right.  He does not have ADHD.  But, what Dr. L. is seeing is behavioral problems and is beginning to lean towards an impulsive behavioral disorder.  She wants to speak to our pediatrician before she makes any accurate diagnosis.  In addition to doing and saying things without thinking about it she notices that there are 'twitches' he has which are common among people who have impulsive behavioral issues.  Dr. L. asked us about the other children Eriks' birth mother is raising.  Lane and I both said that they have been diagnosed with ADHD but we don't know details.  Dr. L. believes that the children likely have the same issues Eriks does and have been misdiagnosed with ADHD.  This is where the medical history becomes tricky.  We have a relationship with Eriks birth mom but not much.  It's definitely not one where I can call her up and ask her questions about the other boys to give information back to Dr. L.  This is frustrating because I don't have the answers and I want to make sure Eriks gets exactly what he needs to help him. 

I also have to admit that this entire adventure has been emotionally and physically exhausting.  You can't reason with a child who doesn't emotionally connect to consequences.  Don't get me wrong, he has a cow when he loses privileges or has some consequences to his actions but 5 minutes later, he's forgotten and doesn't care.  There are times he even says he doesn't care.

With all this being said, I am glad not only for myself, but for Eriks that we are going to find a way to deal with this.  Dr. L. has said as parents, we are doing everything right and that we are putting Eriks first.  She has had patients whose parents aren't doing what they should be doing for their kids.

I'll likely be blogging about our progress in the future.  I decided to share this because I know that Lane and I are not alone.  There are other parents like us.  Not only to adopted children but biological children.  If I can just share with one parent what we are going through, then I'm happy.

Peace and love.

4th of July

This was Emi's very first 4th of July not only here in the U.S. but also as a citizen.  We laid low around the house most of the day and weren't really sure if we were going to go watch fireworks anywhere.  The prospect of finding parking and dealing with the crowds wasn't super appealing.  However, in the end, we decided what the heck.  This was going to be our final 4th of July here in GA.  This time next year, we'll be calling Indianapolis "Home Sweet Home." 

After having dinner at McDonald's (not our 1st choice but most of the places we wanted to eat decided they were going to be closed for the 4th), we drove over to Acworth and proceeded to walk from near downtown to Lake Acworth to watch the fireworks. 

There were a ton of people there but it wasn't as crazy as I thought.  They had a band playing some pretty good music so we were having fun on our blanket as we waited for the show to start.  Eriks and Emi did a bit of running around and playing.  The lady sitting behind us gave the kids small American flags to wave.  Pretty soon it got dark and they shot off one firework about 5 minutes until showtime.  What was funny about this is that a few blankets over from us this guy was laying down and had obviously dozed off.  Upon hearing the one ka-boom, we hear from the guy, "FIREWORKS!!!  Holy Sh*t!!"  When Lane heard the outburst he started laughing and continued laughing for about the next 2 minutes.  I don't really know why he thought the guys reaction was so dang funny but he did.  I started laughing at Lane. 

The show was pretty good.  Not the best fireworks I've seen but still entertaining and worth keeping the kids up late for.  We trekked back to the car and luckily dealt with no traffic because all the cars leaving were going the other direction!  Score!!  Put the kids to bed and had a beer.

Hope you all had a great 4th of July!!

One Year Ago Today...

Emilija was physically placed in Lane's arms and this day is known at Gotcha Day.  Emilija was no longer just a picture we had posted on the refrigerator and looked at a thousand times a day.  She was no longer the little girl that played in my dreams.  She was ours and safely in her daddy's arms.

I still can't believe that a year has gone by.  It went by oh so fast.  Emi has changed so much in that year and I still feel like she's always been here.  Her entire life.  I love her smile when she greets me every morning.  I love that when I leave her at home with her daddy she races to the garage door with her sweet little lips puckered to give me a goodbye kiss.  I love when she charges toward me arms wide open in anticipation of a great big hug.  I love her curiosity and love of animals (she has become obsessed with the cat and looks for him all the time).  I love how even though her language hasn't developed she in her own language will tell me a story.  I love her sweet feet that I kiss on every day.  I love how she giggles when I put lotion on her after bathtime (she's so ticklish).  There are so many more things I could say I love about this girl but it would take forever!  What I love most is that she's ours and will be for always.

I am so grateful her birth mother chose life for her even if she could not provide one for her.  I'm so grateful that the Peoples Republic of China allowed us the opportunity to adopt this wonderful and precious little being. 

Happy Gotcha Day, Emilija!

Gotcha Day 2009

Today 2010