09 July 2010

Admitting Life's Imperfections

I try to spend as much time focusing on the positive as I can but it's not always easy.  I think it's easier to try to bury the things in our lives we can't fix than deal with them head on.  This is one of my big personal flaws.  I take on more than I should.  I burden myself with things I cannot control.  I'm pretty sure it's genetic.

Where am I going with this you ask?  The purpose of my blogging when I started it was to talk about the journey of adoption.  International adoption to be specific and the ups and downs of getting to the goal - our daughter.  I knew there were going to be lots of unknowns - birth parents, birthdate (Emi's is a guesstimate), health history, etc.  What I failed to realize is that this isn't just an international adoption issue.  It's an issue even in domestic adoption.  We are finding that out first hand.

Eriks birthdate and birth parents are known.  What gets tricky is medical history.  Even his birth mother doesn't even know her full medical history even after trying to get help from her mother.

This is where the admitting imperfection comes in.  Let me start out by saying this - Eriks is a very bright, articulate, athletic, sensitive, caring and beautiful child.  I love him for him.  When Lane and I adopted him, we had no idea what to expect and we are dealing with that now.  Eriks has always had a tendency to be impulsive - doing things and saying things before thinking them through.  This has gotten him in A LOT of trouble.  But after his teacher at school said something to us a few weeks into the Spring semester, did we consult with our pediatrician who referred us to a behavioral specialist (Dr. L).  This is interesting because he had a great Fall semester without any issues.  We're not sure what changed over Christmas break, but something did.  The pediatrician did not believe he had ADHD based on her observations.  After having Eriks tested, she was right.  He does not have ADHD.  But, what Dr. L. is seeing is behavioral problems and is beginning to lean towards an impulsive behavioral disorder.  She wants to speak to our pediatrician before she makes any accurate diagnosis.  In addition to doing and saying things without thinking about it she notices that there are 'twitches' he has which are common among people who have impulsive behavioral issues.  Dr. L. asked us about the other children Eriks' birth mother is raising.  Lane and I both said that they have been diagnosed with ADHD but we don't know details.  Dr. L. believes that the children likely have the same issues Eriks does and have been misdiagnosed with ADHD.  This is where the medical history becomes tricky.  We have a relationship with Eriks birth mom but not much.  It's definitely not one where I can call her up and ask her questions about the other boys to give information back to Dr. L.  This is frustrating because I don't have the answers and I want to make sure Eriks gets exactly what he needs to help him. 

I also have to admit that this entire adventure has been emotionally and physically exhausting.  You can't reason with a child who doesn't emotionally connect to consequences.  Don't get me wrong, he has a cow when he loses privileges or has some consequences to his actions but 5 minutes later, he's forgotten and doesn't care.  There are times he even says he doesn't care.

With all this being said, I am glad not only for myself, but for Eriks that we are going to find a way to deal with this.  Dr. L. has said as parents, we are doing everything right and that we are putting Eriks first.  She has had patients whose parents aren't doing what they should be doing for their kids.

I'll likely be blogging about our progress in the future.  I decided to share this because I know that Lane and I are not alone.  There are other parents like us.  Not only to adopted children but biological children.  If I can just share with one parent what we are going through, then I'm happy.

Peace and love.


  1. Oh Liene - I know we talked about this a few weeks ago. I am so glad you at least got a proper diagnosis. I know the treatment will be tough, but at least you are going in the right direction. Thinking of you and looking forward to seeing you next week!

  2. Hi Liene, This is KrisAnne. I hadn't read your blog in awhile and happened to see it in my bookmarks so I came to take a peek. One thing I will offer as a fellow adoptive mom and a child with a diagnosis is that even with family history, the diagnostic process needs to be unique to the child. We have a very open adoption with our son's birth mother and there is no family history of his issues, and her 2 children who she is parenting are "perfect." It's painful and difficult and life changing...I really do know. I just want to encourage you to hang in there and know that things will get sorted out and you will find the help you need.


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