23 September 2010

When Will Adoption Ever Be Portrayed in a Positive Light?

A fellow adoptive mom that I am friends with on FB linked this on her FB page.  I am raving mad!  I'm a little annoyed that time after time, the media keeps bringing these stories to the forefront.  It gives adoption naysayers fuel to say adoption is a bad idea.  Why doesn't the media do story after story of positive adoption situations?  Because it doesn't draw viewers in and nobody cares about those of us who have had happy endings to our adoption journeys.

I think what I'm most ticked off about is some of the comments I read posted by others on this news story.  Let me share some of them.

"This is a wonderful story. Now this child can grow up with his real family and real father. He is a lucky little guy. Now he will be with who he truly belongs with. I was apalled to read the adopters comment of, "once he was born I new he was mine". That baby wasn't hers. How absurd. And the adopter father coming out and saying that the real father should have decided he wanted his son before he was born. Where do some of these adopters get off thinking that people have to decide if they want there children before they are born? This isn't there place. Do they think they have rights to children that aren't even born? They are not in charge of other peoples families. So happy that these judges are finally get it. Real family is always the best. Every human being deserves this."

This one above made me the angriest.  He truly belongs with a guy who has a history of violence and has been arrested for possession of drug paraphernalia.  So much better than parents who according to the law in order to adopt had to go through a criminal background check in both the state of Indiana and in the state of Ohio as well as an FBI background check.  How do I know this, I had to do it on more than one occasion in multiple states including - Maryland, California, Texas, Oklahoma, Arkansas and Georgia.  Every state requires it in order to adopt.  Sure, "real" family is always the best.  Who cares if they're violent, abusive, do/sell drugs, steal, etc. So mad I could scream!

"Wow. So the family knew the biological father wanted the baby 17 days after birth and then refused to give him his child all of this time? This is so terrible for the child, but it looks like it was caused by the family attempting to adopt. I can't believe they said the problem was that the biological father filed before they did. The child was rightfully his - not just a prize up for grabs for the first people to file legal papers. The real problem is that they've been keeping someone else's child all this time against their wishes."

"To anyone who feels that Grayson shouldn't be returned to his biological father is crazy. For one there's nothing that states he left a pregnant woman on the side of the road (lookingout) and the story states that he was arrested not convicted. and SO WHAT IF HE WAS, does that mean that he shouldn't raise his son? We don't know the whole story. Why did the mother chose to give Grayson up in the first place? When the father came forward after 17 days the Vaughns should have done the right thing. The only thing to do was to give Grayson back to his father. I pray for the Vaughn family that they will find a way to come to terms with what has happened. However if they wouldn't dragged this out for three years they could probably have anotheer child by now. This was an awful thing to have happened, but think about what Grayson father was feeling."

I am so sick of the misinformation on adoption.  In one of the comments someone actually said this boy was SOLD to the adoptive family!!  I get annoyed that people think we buy our children.  Not annoyed, angry.  Furious.  If they only knew what all that money is really used for.  We don't pay for our children.  We pay for all the paperwork to get done correctly and LEGALLY!

I'm sick of all those people out there that don't think my kids are my real kids because I didn't give birth to them.  Biology is the least of what makes me a parent.   I'm leaving it at that because I'm not in the mood to go off on a tangent about "real" parents.  I've met my fair share of "real" parents that are not deserving of the kids they gave birth to.

In the case of this poor little boy, the state of Ohio and his biological dad failed him.  The state of Ohio failed because if he (birth father) filed a petition of paternity why did it take the state so long to reunite them?  Seems to me, once paternity was established they should've started the process of making sure the biological father could truly care for this child and require contact until placement.  Instead the boy is now 3 years old and without any sort of transition is being taken away from the only family he's ever known and placed with a stranger.  If the biological father was so gung-ho on getting him back why didn't he attempt any communication with him?  If anything the biological father is treating this boy like property and staking his claim.  How tragic for this boy who was loved by a wonderful family and is being forced into the arms of a stranger staking his claim all in the name of biology. 

I'm stepping off my soapbox now. 

1 comment:

  1. Well said, stand tall on your soapbox, I for one am right next to you.

    And yet again we are left trying to explain to OUR children that families are forever!
    I know you understand what I mean.
    This is also one of the reasons why I am adamant that thesaurus.com change it's synonyms because of the negative connotations.


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